Looking retrospectively at the paths that led through the wilderness I was asked to cross, I wanted to capture some of the wealth of lessons revealed to me along the way:

God is Faithful. When I didn’t understand why, God faithfully poured out His grace upon me. When my frustrated heart cried out to Him, my God remained faithful and sent His comforting spirit through a simple embrace of my wife, the encouraging words of a friend, and through watching His Spirit being poured out upon my son. Through it all, God said, again and again, “I’ve got it covered; Trust Me with all your heart.”

God will never leave you, nor will He forsake you. Loneliness is not in God’s vocabulary. Even when I felt all alone, God was there. His Holy Spirit brought strength to my soul. Even when The darkness of the shadow of death enveloped me, His rod and His staff comforted me. And when it seemed I had no more strength to continue, He carried me through my darkest days. All He asked of me was to take hold of His hand and trust Him.

God is patient; I’m not. The most frustrating part of the journey has been the wait. My mind wants to “Go,” but my body and spirit scream ”No!” Yet, God once again said, “Trust Me in My timing, My plan; watch and see what I can do beyond your wildest imagination.” And as I waited and watched, miracles that I never thought possible began to unfold in my wife, in my family, in our church, in people’s lives who I never met from across the world and in my faith. And as I waited, watched and trusted in Him, my strength began to return. “Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength . . .” (Isa. 40:31).

God loves me, more than I’ll ever comprehend. It was when I suffered most that I came to realize the depth of His love for me. It was His grace that became sufficient for me. His grace didn’t break my fevers, nor did it keep me from having to endure the chemo and medications that burdened me. God’s grace came into my life through the depth of love He had for me. It wasn’t dependent upon the degree of my love for Him. He loved me, regardless and unconditionally. When I complained bitterly against Him, He loved me. When I questioned and frustratingly doubted Him, He loved me. When I just wanted to be alone, He stood by my bedside, and embraced my heart. And I experienced a reservoir of love that extended deeper than I could ever comprehend and that would never end.

God has blessed me with “the best” family and friends anyone could ever have. Joy, my wife, has truly been the Spiritual Joy of my life. Regardless how my night had been, I could trust that God was sending ”Joy” in the morning. She was caregiver to me, mom to a lonely child, driver, housekeeper, chief financial officer, and loving, supportive wife through it all, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. My son Brandon relentlessly supported and encouraged me to get up and walk through some of the valleys that seemed overshadow the promises of God. My son Jared gave me a reason to keep fighting. And I can’t say enough about the friends of God who surrounded me with
fervent prayers for healing, for comfort, and peace throughout my most challenging moments, who gathered on the parking garage rooftop simply to express their love for me. I am humbled by such love for one another. God’s blessings overflowed through the “agape” love of the saints.

Yes, the journey was long, it was frustrating and agonizing .  . . if each moment was considered in its own encapsulated time shell. But, in retrospect, as I read the “book” of my wilderness experience as a whole, the entire process was life changing and spiritually enriching. My assigned walk has deepened my faith in an incredible God and has allowed me to fall into a richer relationship with my Savior, a treasure that I will never trade even for all the wealth of the world. I have an extended appreciation of the joy declared by James (James 1:2-4) when we encounter our trials. My faith has been tested, again and again, and through perseverance, I pray that I’ve moved one step closer to where God wants me to be, that my faith-walk with Him continues to progress towards maturity and that the life of others will be enriched as well by the declaration of God’s miracles which manifested itself throughout this journey. God is good – all the time!!

Ps. 100:4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

I received my third of four chemo treatments the week of February 18-22. It was five days that were somewhat bearable. The effects of chemo, as some may not be aware, however, really begin one to two weeks after the administration of the “poison.” Although I had received previous treatments, this one turned ugly. Still trying to regain my strength and stamina from my previous treatment, my blood counts rapidly began to drop. During my weekly doctor visits and blood tests, he forewarned that should I hit a fever of 101 or more to move immediately to Emergency.

And as if on cue, on Monday, March 4, I was admitted to the ER with a 101.7 fever. In my untrained attempt to render a diagnosis, I thought I’d get filled with antibiotics for a few days and released. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Despite the antibiotics, my fever progressively worsened, from 101 to as high as 103/104. Tylenol was doing what it could, but the fever battled back. Nurses applied ice packs to my head, under my arms, and behind my neck. I was bed ridden for 2 weeks, refusing to eat due to “dry heaves” that tried its best to force out all that I had in my empty gut. It created such pressure within my face, the nurses noticed vessels of my right eye had ruptured turning it blood red and blurring my vision. Since my admittance, I had lost 20 lbs.

And as if that wasn’t enough to test anyone, cardiologists were summoned to treat a rapid and irregular heartbeat that was developing. They performed a “cardio version” which is a medical procedure that causes me to sleep while pads are applied to shock my heart back into its regular rhythm.

And through all of this, God held my hand. He embraced me as a parent would His own child. But in the darkness of the moment, it was so difficult to “see” Him or to realize His presence or remember His promises. I was being physically challenged, no doubt. But I began to realize that this fight had become more of a spiritual battle than I had ever faced. There were moments in the “darkness” when I allowed questions and doubts about my identity in Christ and the goodness and reality of God to fill my mind. My thoughts, and the battle that waged war within it, were on the verge of pressing me into submission and surrendering to the darkness. If the fever didn’t destroy me, then for
sure my defeated spirit would.

But “thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Cor. 15:57) and “who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place (2 Cor. 2:14).” And I thank God for a Spirit filled wife in Joy. It was when I had reached my lowest that she walked into my hospital room and immediately “smelled” the stench and recognized that this battle was no longer against flesh and blood, but it had become a war waging in the spiritual realm. She immediately called our son Brandon, who in turn summoned Pastors Rod and Roy, who came to my bedside, and Pastors Cal Chinen and Norman Nakanishi, who by telephone joined in the circle of prayer and prayed that i fill my mind with God’s promise and not to live in the present. Everything is always at its darkest if all I looked at was the present. But God’s future and His promises are always full of light. And through their prayers and the recitation of God’s Word, the wall of darkness that stood in the way of recovery began to crumble.

I can’t describe to you, in fairness to the power that was unleashed that day, how it felt to be freed from darkness!! As the air began to clear, i knew deep within me that it now became my choice whether I would take an affirmative step forward and reach out to grab a hold of the the Lord’s garment, even if I couldn’t see it. And once I grabbed hold of even just His hem, I couldn’t let go. From that day I began to eat again, slowly, but soon finishing a whole bowl of Won Tun noodles, Liliha Bakery’s Hamburger Steak plate, Korean Meat Juhn and BBQ chicken! (Thank goodness we live in Hawaii!).

GOOD NEWS! Within a few days, my blood counts began to rise and the doctor believed it was time that I could safely return home. And at my follow up appointment my blood counts continued to show positive results and the doctor released me from any restrictions. I still need to regain strength and rebuild stamina and I’m being coached daily to take it slow, but can’t wait to rejoin the family of God.

The battlefield of your mind is ugly and destructive, and its intent is to infect your spirit into submission. Don’t give the enemy even an inch of opportunity. The Bible says we have the “divine power” to defeat every obstacle that tries to separate us from God.

2 Cor. 10:4 “3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4 for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. 5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,”

When it comes to the battle that wages war in our minds, God has given us His very own divinely powered weapon to demolish anything that attempts to defeat us. It’s a weapon that’s available to no one else but His Saints. But here’s what i discovered in the midst of my battle: No one can unlock that war chest, but ourselves. Regardless of the incomparable nature of God’s divine weapons, we have a personal responsibility to “put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (Eph. 6:13-17).

It’s using every divine weapon to reject every thought, feeling, lie, fear, untruth, attitude of defeat, insecurity that stands in opposition to “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philip 4:8).  And in the power of the Spirit, affirmatively reach out for our Lord and Savior and grab tightly to Him and His garment.

I pray that I won’t have to ever walk this journey again; nor should anyone else. But in this life we will be challenged; and we will be victorious if we win the battlefield of our minds in Christ Jesus. ”Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift” (2 Cor. 9:15)..

Upon admission, what I wasn’t prepared for, however, was the change
from a 2 nights – 3 day hospital stint, to now having to receive 5
days of treatment. Apparently there was a miscommunication and these 5
days were always a part of the original plan. I just wasn’t expecting
it.

Life’s unexpecteds; it’s what we all face, everyday. Whether it’s
unfulfilled anticipations, broken promises, even unanswered prayers,
that send you to the trash can of rejection,   what you chose to do
about it makes all the difference in the world.

Here’s a spiritual principle I learned a long time ago: “When life
gives you lemons, make lemonade.” All right, I confess that you won’t
find this direct quote anywhere in the Bible. What you will find,
however, are references to the heart of the Father’s desire for us to
live no other way:  ”a righteous man falls seven times, but rises
again (Prov. 24:16); love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do
good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you
and persecute you that you may be sons of your Father in heaven (
Matt. 5:44); for whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but
whoever loses his life for me will save it (Luke 9:24); Rejoice in The
Lord always. I will say it again, Rejoice! (Philip. 4:4).”

When life’s unexpected hits you square in the face and knocks you
down, stand up, love, bless, do good, pray, lose your own desires, and
rejoice in Him, always. “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
But I think we do a disservice to the underlying heart of the Father
by simply making just lemonade. Why stop there? Why not turn lemons
into velvety lemon meringue pie, or lemon chiffon cake, or lemon curd
with cream cheese bagels, or sautéed onaga with lemon-butter, capers
and white wine sauce, or sweet-sour lemon glazed chicken …. you get
the picture.

Life seems to play out its role of tossing at us the unexpecteds. Our
role: make lemonade, even beyond what life was expecting in return.

My 5 day stay, with each passing day has now become one day less -
less chemo and its yucky consequences, and one day closer to being
back home, one day closer to the finish line. And in no time, it will
be the resurrection! So, rather than reject the unexpecteds, receive
it and squeeze every bit of good you can from it, and in Jesus Name,
rejoice and live!!

Pat Robertson introduces this video of Elwin who was driven to win in all aspects of life, but after tasting defeat in two marriages, and damaging his relationship with his son, he knew he had to relinquish control. Watch this CBN 700 Club video as Pastor Elwin tells us of his Journey.

It would be an understatement to say that our family has been through a lot in these past couple of months. With one diagnosis, our world was turned upside down and inside out, in just a matter of hours one night. And the strain that accompanied it has challenged us in more ways than one. My family witnessed my health progressively deteriorate over that time, and saw the spirit in me slowly fade as death’s attempt to steal my life clashed with the aggressive medication being infused into my system.

But as that battle raged on, through the eyes of “my kids,” they saw a fighter in me; someone not willing to give up, nor give in, but to fight regardless of the price I was demanded to pay. They saw me suffer, yet fought to maintain my spirits. They watched my countenance dwindle, yet never quit. And so, for our church’s 1st Year Anniversary, they presented me with a symbol of that fighting spirit – boxing gloves!

The greatest battle that we will ever encounter in our lifetime is the challenge to our faith. Life is unfair and cruel and sometimes I wonder if it’s only goal is to push us to the quitting point of our faith. As long as we exist in this world, our faith will be challenged. And that challenge will arise on different fronts: from within our families, to our finances, or wrapped in an unexpected diagnosis to our health. And when our faith is challenged, at what point do we quit and allow our frustrations and doubts to defeat us? Listen to what Paul wrote to his protege, Timothy, as he prepared him for his own ministry journey:

2 Tim. 4:7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

There were many battles that Paul was challenged to fight from many fronts: persecuted and beaten, falsely accused and imprisoned, shipwrecked and near death encounters. But regardless of the challenge, Paul fought the “good fight;” i.e., he never gave up on his faith. Paul never quit. Regardless what he encountered on his earthly journey, Jesus remained his Lord. Suffering was just another mile marker on his road to receive that crown of righteousness that awaited the faithful who were willing to fight and not quit.

My journey continues. I don’t believe God is finished with me yet. And my suffering was a necessary challenge to my faith, to press me to reveal my quitting point. Jesus was pressed in the Garden; Paul was challenged on the road to Rome; I was crushed in valley of the shadow of death. But my faith remains.

Boxing gloves . . . In heaven there must be a wall full of boxing gloves hanging and labeled with the names of God’s faithful. Lord, when my time is up, may my pair of gloves be added to Your wall of faith.

“I Will Never Be the Same Again”

“I will never be the same again,
I can never return, I’ve closed the door.
I will walk the path, I’ll run the race
And I will never be the same again.
. . .

There are higher heights, there are deeper seas,
Whatever you need to do, Lord do in me.
The Glory of God fills my life,
And I will never be the same again.”

Somehow once you’ve stepped into the miraculous, and the “glory of God” fills your life, life can never be the same again. That was certainly the case with the leper Jesus healed in Mark 1; and blind Bartimaeus in Mark 10, and others who experienced the power of an all powerful God. To the healed paralytic, and the woman hemorrhaging, but healed by the touch of the hem of the Master’s robe, “normalcy” took on a different meaning. They loved to a deeper depth and saw life through the eyes of the Father, open and willing to do whatever the Father required of them. They could never be the same again.

Sunday we celebrated New Hope Metro’s 1st Anniversary and what a God-moment it was for those in attendance. Without a doubt, the Spirit of The Lord was in the house and He was glorified through Worship and the Word. As a church we just walked through a miraculous first year and will be forever grateful for His faithfulness in us. And my prayer is that we will never forget the miraculous that we stepped into. My prayer is that we will never be the same again.

And it’s a prayer that I will carry into my own personal journey. Monday I just checked back into the hospital for the first of three “follow up” chemo treatments. In many ways it’s “second verse, same as the first.” Yet in many ways it’s not. I just received the pathologist’s report of my second bone marrow biopsy. Results: NO “abnormal cells” present; analysis negative for leukemic cells!! To this I shout “Hallelujah” to my God and King!! From an initial report of 95% leukemic just a month ago to a leukemic free report today I count as a miracle!! God is real an He reigns!! And having just stepped into the miraculous, how can my life ever be the same again.

Father, thank you for your faithfulness in allowing me to suffer for the sake of bringing credibility to Your Gospel. Forgive me for the times that I’ve struggled with my own suffering and failed to see it as bringing me but one step closer to the miraculous You were about to reveal in my life. My journey continues, this I know, but I travel now with a deeper reverence of You and a reaffirmation of the miraculous power with which You reign; I stand in awe of Your faithfulness towards us. I will never be the same again.

“13 Then the Lord said to him, “Know for certain that for four hundred years your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own and that they will be enslaved and mistreated there. 14 But I will punish the nation they serve as slaves, and afterward they will come out with great possessions.”

Did you catch that? To those who would inherit the Promise, they would first need to suffer, not just for a year, or two, or twenty, but for 400 years! For 400 years that would seem like an eternity, Abraham’s children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, et al., would fall into an extended season suffering, hardships, distress that was wrapped and packaged in the bondage of slavery. And only after their suffering would there be the fulfillment of the Promise. But Abraham never questioned, he never doubted the promises of God.

That’s what I find so cool about this elderly, aging man of faith. Regardless of what others might have considered to be the ridiculousness of God, Abraham saw it as the righteousness of His Master. He never doubted; he simply obeyed. He obeyed when instructed by God to leave the comfort of his hometown and move to the land of the unknown. And again he obeyed – never questioned, reasoned, or justified himself – when instructed by The Lord to sacrifice his one and only son. And for his obedience, it was credited to him as righteousness and admitted him into the honorable Hall of Faith.

My own journey has thrown me onto the battlefield against leukemia and if God has taught me anything, He’s revealed to me the price that obedience demands. God has never hidden His promises for my family, for my life, for our church. But so many times we’ve miss the promise and failed to walk in its blessings because we weren’t willing to pay the price of obedience, i. e., to incur its cost through our suffering, regardless of the consequences.

Yesterday was my second follow up with my doctor since being released from the hospital just 10 days ago; 10 days of freedom, enjoying the creative beauty of God, sunset walks with my wife that has strengthened my physical and emotional well-being; 10 days of basking in the warmth of our family group hugs.

But today I learned how life has a habit of interrupting all good things.  After undergoing a second bone marrow biopsy (ouch!!!), it was the doctor’s opinion that although the leukemia is more than likely in remission, he’s ordered that I be re-admitted into the hospital for another round of chemo treatments. So, on Monday, Jan. 21, I will return to “the desert” once more. It won’t be “as intensive,” according to the doctor, and my stay will be just 4 days long.  His continued treatment plan calls for yet another round of chemo for the following month, for 3 days, and after another month’s interval there will be one final treatment of just a day. And although after my initial ordeal of 30 days of intensive treatment, one might consider these next rounds to be much more bearable, to me, any separation from my family is one day too long.

Yet, if I intend to walk into His Promise and receive the blessing of being completely free of every destructive leukemic cell, then I cannot doubt or question the doctor’s prognosis and plan; I must be willing to pay the price of obedience, i.e., to be willing to suffer, for the sake of the promise.

And it’s no different from whatever God may ask of us; His plans are always tied a promise for our families, for our marriages, for our lives. But in order to realize His promises, the price of obedience must be paid, to be willing to suffer for the sake of the promise, regardless of the degree of difficulty that may be required of us. Just as Jesus paid the price on the cross in order to realize the promise of the resurrection, so too must we be willing to stand ready to respond, “Father, not my will, but may Thy will be done.”  And when that price is paid, we are assured by His Word that “Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning.” (Ps. 30:5)

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, and all that was in it . . . and “saw that it was good.” Being home now from the hospital for the past 4 days, I couldn’t agree more that what God saw in the beginning was good. There hasn’t been a morning that has gone by without me gazing in awe at the glowing hues of purple and pink of the morning sunrise, or feeling the fresh, cool mountain air brush across my face, or hearing the sweet song of birds welcoming in their new day; and with each moment I cannot stop thanking The Lord for the goodness of His creation.

With each new day, I’m gaining new strength. If you’ve never walked down this road before, it would be hard to imagine the muscle strength you lose making accomplishing even the simplest task a hardship. But everyday seems to renew my strength. I’m getting stronger and just started cooking again, which has proven to be especially therapeutic for me: chicken, squash and tofu soup; baked salmon with dill and garlic sauce; and a nice thick juicy steak with grilled onions, baked potato smothered with sour cream!

Through this journey, it’s as if God has granted me a new beginning to appreciate the simple things He’s already created, to fall in love with Him all over again. 2 Cor. 5:17 reminds us that “if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” I can shout “Amen” to that! Through blood transfusions, I’ve been filled, literally, with new blood and new platelets. The chemo has destroyed just about every cell in my body, only to have new, healthy cells regenerate to replace the old. I’ve lost hair strands by the hundreds, if not thousands, everyday, only to have new strands stand in place of the old. Even my skin is undergoing a metamorphosis from the old into the new, peeling and shedding old skin cells, resurrecting new skin in its place. The old has passed, the new is here!

Life for me has become new and fresh and I can’t wait to embrace it everyday! Lord, may I never lose the thrill of hugging my wife and my kids, of feeling our spirits fuse as one. May I never lose the excited anticipation of being reunited with my friends and the love of the saints and the gratefulness of their prayers. Lord, thank you for allowing me to sweep ever so close to death to discover and appreciate life as You created it to be, in the beginning.

Although I’ve been released from the hospital, my journey continues. A follow up appointment with my doctor has shown by all accounts I am progressing well. Blood counts are up and within normal ranges once again. Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!! I have another follow up scheduled for this next week Wednesday, and if I remain on track, he will perform another bone marrow biopsy (ouch!) to see whether or not the treatment was able to kill every leukemic cell in my blood system (you might recall that I was diagnosed with having 95% of my blood infected with leukemia). My prayer is that by the power of God’s miraculous hand, He has already crushed and expelled every leukemic cell from my body and has restored me to complete wholeness. There is still another round of chemo treatment that I will need to undergo, not as intensive, possibly a three day stay in the hospital, for a time yet to be determined.

But whatever course I am required to take, I know that my Redeemer Lives and in this season of new beginnings I will “sing to The Lord a new song, for He has done marvelous things,” (Ps. 98:1) and I shall walk in confidence knowing that “the Lord is my light and salvation, whom shall I fear . . . whom shall I be afraid? . . . I will see the goodness of The Lord in the land of the living.” (Ps. 27:1, 13).